i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
