I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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