Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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