Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
