oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
one might say we're banned from that church
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
