Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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