Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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