Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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