You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
