My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
