He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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