she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
