just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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