I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
