one might say we're banned from that church
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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