The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
