I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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