got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
