All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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