There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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