If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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