Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
