i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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