I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
