I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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