Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
