Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
