guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she pinky promised me she was 18
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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