so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
