i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
