Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
