he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
