Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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