she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
