WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
