I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Terrible idea I love it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
