your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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