and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
