How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
