I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
