We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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