I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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