what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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