Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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