That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
