yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
