WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
