I want you more than these girls want KFC
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Be still, my beating vagina.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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