Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
