Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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