who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
