Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
