i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
