My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
