This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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