God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
