So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
