Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
