you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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