I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What drink are we having for lunch?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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