you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
