I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
