Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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