Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
