Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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