I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize