I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
